The best obstetricians are supposed to be the doctors who have delivered hundreds, even thousands of babies. But, after watching the OB smile to him or herself the tenth time after one of my questions, I have to wonder whether all that experience really makes a doctor more aware of patient needs.
I remember waking up one day early in my second trimester in horrible pain. My hips and legs would barely move. My belly was as tight as the outside of a basketball. And I hurt all over.
What was wrong with me? Could this be premature labor? Was something wrong with our baby?
I tore through What to Expect When You're Expecting. Nothing. I asked around at school. Again, nothing. I spent most of the day in tears before calling my OB and making an emergency appointment.
The OB did a urine test, poked my belly, and told me I was fine. The exam took less than ten minutes. She did absolutely nothing to assuage my fears. "Everything is normal," she said. But she couldn't tell me why I was in so much pain.
As it turned out, I had hurt myself sleeping without a pillow. (Pillows are a MUST for pregnancy, I have since figured out.) I had a very normal reaction to a very normal pregnancy mistake. But because everything about my pregnancy has been so very normal, the OB didn't take the time to help make me more physically--or emotionally--comfortable.
Adam and I recently transferred to a new OB-GYN. When the doctor reviewed our file, he commented that the pregnancy had been remarkably uncomplicated. That's great to hear. But that doesn't change the fact that, for me, every new symptom can be alarming--or even frightening. And, unfortunately, OBs won't always be the source of comfort, hope, and advice they should be.
Sunday, March 27, 2011
Tuesday, March 15, 2011
#13. Alcohol and Cigarettes Aren't the Only "No-Nos"
Everyone knows you aren't supposed to smoke or drink when you're pregnant. Or do illegal drugs. But I was blown away by the huge list of "nos" I didn't find out about until after I got pregnant. Did you know, for example, that pregnant women aren't supposed to...
Of course, being told you can't do something has a profound psychological effect. What do I want on my salad? Feta cheese. And how can I never get comfortable? On my side. I don't even like paté, but I'd give anything to be able to eat some.
- ...top salads with feta cheese?
- ...dine on Eggs Benedict? (At least not with a soft-poached egg.)
- ...splurge on paté?
- ...enjoy sandwiches with deli meat?
- ...clean up after a cat?
- ...sleep on their backs?
Of course, being told you can't do something has a profound psychological effect. What do I want on my salad? Feta cheese. And how can I never get comfortable? On my side. I don't even like paté, but I'd give anything to be able to eat some.
At least I've learned a valuable parenting lesson from this list of "don'ts": nothing makes you want to do something more than being told you can't. I hope I can keep that lesson in mind when baby comes around.
Sunday, March 13, 2011
#12. You Will Convince Yourself You Will Kill Your Baby
Amazon.com lists about 5,000 books for the search "pregnancy and childbirth." In a field of competition that large, most of the books try to differentiate themselves with a crucial claim: this is the one and only book standing between your unborn child and death or permanent disability.
Or something like that.
Early on in my pregnancy, I went to the library and checked out a number of the most urgent looking books. I trolled the internet for pregnancy-related websites. And, as already mentioned, I listened to every horror story other people were willing to tell me.
After a few weeks, I was a nervous wreck. I was terrified that every time I carried in the groceries by myself, rolled onto my side during sleep, or bathed myself, my baby was going to die.
A minor pregnancy complication was just icing on the cake.
I remember after five o'clock one Friday afternoon finding a vague message from my OB in my voicemail, "Alison, we need you to call the office when you get the chance." How ominous. I'd been expecting some bloodwork results from the office. Clearly something was wrong. I was missing a critical piece of information that would save my baby's life!
I frantically called the answering service for the OB practice to find out what to do. I was so panicked, she paged the doctor. What had the message really been about? Congratulations! My pregnancy hormones were finally at the appropriate levels. I was so emotionally worn out that I lay on the bed and sobbed my heart out for a full thirty minutes.
After that experience, Adam sat down to have a talk with me. He said I was allowed to pick one book, and one book only, to read about pregnancy. If my OB and the book said I had nothing to worry about, I was just going to have to listen.
So far, our baby hasn't been harmed at all by opting out of optional information. In fact, he may be better off with the reduction in adrenaline pumping through my system. I guess I learned a valuable lesson about child-rearing... and life in general.
Sometimes, what you don't know really can't hurt you. The human race survived for thousands of years before What to Expect. And a century more without the internet.
I still don't want to take unnecessary risks with my baby's life--now or after he is born. But the cost of knowing everything (or trying pretty darn hard) is just too great--what with the worry, the stress, and the waste of time. And even if it were possible to recognize every single little thing that might harm our child, it wouldn't prevent bad things from ever happening to him. Far better to live happily and well, taking one day at the time.
Or something like that.
Early on in my pregnancy, I went to the library and checked out a number of the most urgent looking books. I trolled the internet for pregnancy-related websites. And, as already mentioned, I listened to every horror story other people were willing to tell me.
After a few weeks, I was a nervous wreck. I was terrified that every time I carried in the groceries by myself, rolled onto my side during sleep, or bathed myself, my baby was going to die.
A minor pregnancy complication was just icing on the cake.
I remember after five o'clock one Friday afternoon finding a vague message from my OB in my voicemail, "Alison, we need you to call the office when you get the chance." How ominous. I'd been expecting some bloodwork results from the office. Clearly something was wrong. I was missing a critical piece of information that would save my baby's life!
I frantically called the answering service for the OB practice to find out what to do. I was so panicked, she paged the doctor. What had the message really been about? Congratulations! My pregnancy hormones were finally at the appropriate levels. I was so emotionally worn out that I lay on the bed and sobbed my heart out for a full thirty minutes.
After that experience, Adam sat down to have a talk with me. He said I was allowed to pick one book, and one book only, to read about pregnancy. If my OB and the book said I had nothing to worry about, I was just going to have to listen.
So far, our baby hasn't been harmed at all by opting out of optional information. In fact, he may be better off with the reduction in adrenaline pumping through my system. I guess I learned a valuable lesson about child-rearing... and life in general.
Sometimes, what you don't know really can't hurt you. The human race survived for thousands of years before What to Expect. And a century more without the internet.
I still don't want to take unnecessary risks with my baby's life--now or after he is born. But the cost of knowing everything (or trying pretty darn hard) is just too great--what with the worry, the stress, and the waste of time. And even if it were possible to recognize every single little thing that might harm our child, it wouldn't prevent bad things from ever happening to him. Far better to live happily and well, taking one day at the time.
Tuesday, March 8, 2011
#11. Nothing Cures Morning Sickness
If I heard or read that morning sickness is misnamed once I heard or read it 1,000 times--in the months after I got pregnant. Before I got pregnant, morning sickness seemed like an almost romantic pregnancy symptom. Throw up every morning before you go to work as your husband lovingly holds your hair and massages your back. Get on with the rest of the day.
Unfortunately, morning sickness is more than an occasional fit of dawn vomiting. Morning sickness can be--and was for me--a knock-down, drag-out and totally incapacitating problem.
Morning sickness started out the first few weeks as a vague feeling of queasiness. I felt a little flu-ish. And there were certain foods I didn't want to eat. I could live that way.
Over the course of the next few weeks, morning sickness turned into smell aversion. Climbing the stairs in our multi-ethnic apartment complex at dinner time was like running a gauntlet. I'd race into the door dry heaving--but only once a day. I could live that way, too.
Then, I remember one fateful night about two months into my pregnancy. I hadn't been able to bear the thought of eating anything all day. About 10:30, I got into my head that I could eat a crunchy granola bar. I drove myself to the 7-11 to buy one. I ate it in the car in the parking lot... and threw it back up before I could make it to the door. I sat down on the steps and cried I was so miserable and so sick. I was beginning to think I couldn't live that way after all.
And it got worse.
It got to where I couldn't eat lunch in the school cafeteria because there were too many different smells.
It got to where I had to stop brushing my back teeth because my toothbrush made me gag.
It got to where I couldn't eat anything for Thanksgiving dinner except cheese and crackers.
It got to where Adam and I gave up all social activities so I could lie on the bathroom floor at night.
The real problem, I realized later, wasn't the morning sickness--or at least it wasn't just the morning sickness. The bigger problem was my refusal to ask for help. I felt so tired and alone because I refused to let Adam into the bathroom when I was getting sick. And I couldn't eat because I kept trying to cook for myself and Adam.
I couldn't have made it through my first trimester without a group of supportive co-workers who covered for me when I couldn't make it to class and students who were willing to self-supervise for the sake of my health. And I couldn't have made it without Adam's continuing love and support. But next time, I'll ask for those home-cooked meals I needed. I'll accept those offers of help keeping the house clean. And, for heaven's sake, I'll let Adam into the bathroom to rub my back and hold my hair out of the way.
Unfortunately, morning sickness is more than an occasional fit of dawn vomiting. Morning sickness can be--and was for me--a knock-down, drag-out and totally incapacitating problem.
Morning sickness started out the first few weeks as a vague feeling of queasiness. I felt a little flu-ish. And there were certain foods I didn't want to eat. I could live that way.
Over the course of the next few weeks, morning sickness turned into smell aversion. Climbing the stairs in our multi-ethnic apartment complex at dinner time was like running a gauntlet. I'd race into the door dry heaving--but only once a day. I could live that way, too.
Then, I remember one fateful night about two months into my pregnancy. I hadn't been able to bear the thought of eating anything all day. About 10:30, I got into my head that I could eat a crunchy granola bar. I drove myself to the 7-11 to buy one. I ate it in the car in the parking lot... and threw it back up before I could make it to the door. I sat down on the steps and cried I was so miserable and so sick. I was beginning to think I couldn't live that way after all.
And it got worse.
It got to where I couldn't eat lunch in the school cafeteria because there were too many different smells.
It got to where I had to stop brushing my back teeth because my toothbrush made me gag.
It got to where I couldn't eat anything for Thanksgiving dinner except cheese and crackers.
It got to where Adam and I gave up all social activities so I could lie on the bathroom floor at night.
The real problem, I realized later, wasn't the morning sickness--or at least it wasn't just the morning sickness. The bigger problem was my refusal to ask for help. I felt so tired and alone because I refused to let Adam into the bathroom when I was getting sick. And I couldn't eat because I kept trying to cook for myself and Adam.
I couldn't have made it through my first trimester without a group of supportive co-workers who covered for me when I couldn't make it to class and students who were willing to self-supervise for the sake of my health. And I couldn't have made it without Adam's continuing love and support. But next time, I'll ask for those home-cooked meals I needed. I'll accept those offers of help keeping the house clean. And, for heaven's sake, I'll let Adam into the bathroom to rub my back and hold my hair out of the way.
Sunday, March 6, 2011
#10. There Are a Lot of Strange Remedies for Morning Sickness
Graphic stories weren't the only lore our friends and family had to share with us. We also heard dozens and dozens of increasingly-bizarre, and often totally unrealistic, folk remedies for morning sickness. Every mom we knew had a whispered secret to share, the solution for living through pregnancy nausea:
Most of these suggestions came before I started to feel sick in earnest, so I ignored them at the time. Even if I didn't internalize the cures, I should have grasped that any condition these women had clearly tried so hard to get rid of was not going to be easy to survive.
Eventually, my desperation drove me to try every single one of these strange remedies... with mixed results. Stay tuned.
- Munch on soda crackers all day because they'll settle your stomach
- Get plenty of exercise
- Dose up on vitamin B6
- Wear motion sickness bands to calm queasiness
- Eat only cold food because it doesn't smell as strong
- Gobble ginger in any form--candied, pickled, carbonated...
- Hold to a B.R.A.T. diet--bananas, rice, applesauce, and tea
- Chew on lemons all day
- Dine on cabbage
- Keep a boiled egg by your bedside to eat when you wake up in the morning
Most of these suggestions came before I started to feel sick in earnest, so I ignored them at the time. Even if I didn't internalize the cures, I should have grasped that any condition these women had clearly tried so hard to get rid of was not going to be easy to survive.
Eventually, my desperation drove me to try every single one of these strange remedies... with mixed results. Stay tuned.
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