#14. No Matter What Your OB Says, Your Pregnancy Isn't Routine... At Least to You

The best obstetricians are supposed to be the doctors who have delivered hundreds, even thousands of babies. But, after watching the OB smile to him or herself the tenth time after one of my questions, I have to wonder whether all that experience really makes a doctor more aware of patient needs.

I remember waking up one day early in my second trimester in horrible pain. My hips and legs would barely move. My belly was as tight as the outside of a basketball. And I hurt all over.

What was wrong with me? Could this be premature labor? Was something wrong with our baby?

I tore through What to Expect When You're Expecting. Nothing. I asked around at school. Again, nothing. I spent most of the day in tears before calling my OB and making an emergency appointment.

The OB did a urine test, poked my belly, and told me I was fine. The exam took less than ten minutes. She did absolutely nothing to assuage my fears. "Everything is normal," she said. But she couldn't tell me why I was in so much pain.

As it turned out, I had hurt myself sleeping without a pillow. (Pillows are a MUST for pregnancy, I have since figured out.) I had a very normal reaction to a very normal pregnancy mistake. But because everything about my pregnancy has been so very normal, the OB didn't take the time to help make me more physically--or emotionally--comfortable.

Adam and I recently transferred to a new OB-GYN. When the doctor reviewed our file, he commented that the pregnancy had been remarkably uncomplicated. That's great to hear. But that doesn't change the fact that, for me, every new symptom can be alarming--or even frightening. And, unfortunately, OBs won't always be the source of comfort, hope, and advice they should be.

#11. Nothing Cures Morning Sickness

If I heard or read that morning sickness is misnamed once I heard or read it 1,000 times--in the months after I got pregnant. Before I got pregnant, morning sickness seemed like an almost romantic pregnancy symptom. Throw up every morning before you go to work as your husband lovingly holds your hair and massages your back. Get on with the rest of the day.

Unfortunately, morning sickness is more than an occasional fit of dawn vomiting. Morning sickness can be--and was for me--a knock-down, drag-out and totally incapacitating problem.

Morning sickness started out the first few weeks as a vague feeling of queasiness. I felt a little flu-ish. And there were certain foods I didn't want to eat. I could live that way.

Over the course of the next few weeks, morning sickness turned into smell aversion. Climbing the stairs in our multi-ethnic apartment complex at dinner time was like running a gauntlet. I'd race into the door dry heaving--but only once a day. I could live that way, too.

Then, I remember one fateful night about two months into my pregnancy. I hadn't been able to bear the thought of eating anything all day. About 10:30, I got into my head that I could eat a crunchy granola bar. I drove myself to the 7-11 to buy one. I ate it in the car in the parking lot... and threw it back up before I could make it to the door. I sat down on the steps and cried I was so miserable and so sick. I was beginning to think I couldn't live that way after all.

And it got worse.

It got to where I couldn't eat lunch in the school cafeteria because there were too many different smells.

It got to where I had to stop brushing my back teeth because my toothbrush made me gag.

It got to where I couldn't eat anything for Thanksgiving dinner except cheese and crackers.

It got to where Adam and I gave up all social activities so I could lie on the bathroom floor at night.

The real problem, I realized later, wasn't the morning sickness--or at least it wasn't just the morning sickness. The bigger problem was my refusal to ask for help. I felt so tired and alone because I refused to let Adam into the bathroom when I was getting sick. And I couldn't eat because I kept trying to cook for myself and Adam.

I couldn't have made it through my first trimester without a group of supportive co-workers who covered for me when I couldn't make it to class and students who were willing to self-supervise for the sake of my health. And I couldn't have made it without Adam's continuing love and support. But next time, I'll ask for those home-cooked meals I needed. I'll accept those offers of help keeping the house clean. And, for heaven's sake, I'll let Adam into the bathroom to rub my back and hold my hair out of the way.

#9. Pregnancy Inspires a Lot of Horrible Stories

When Adam and I finally unveiled our pregnancy, we were greeted with a lot of love and support. But, for every congratulatory hug and warm, happy phone call, there was an urgent, whispered aside from someone who had been pregnant before.

In a few short weeks, I heard just about everything--and in graphic detail. Morning sickness and salmonella at the same time. Moms who went into premature labor and didn't realize it. Women who delivered in their bathrooms. Twelve-pound babies who tore their mothers apart on their way into this world. I was horrified.

Adam eventually forbade me from reading pregnancy forums and carefully shielded me from wiser moms who tried to take me aside for a private chat.

I didn't realize that becoming pregnant would grant me membership to the exclusive club of women who have been pregnant. And the initiation ritual is to listen to every other woman's pregnancy horror stories.

Pregnancy is such a strange thing. It's a basic biological function of womankind, but it is still somehow secret, and sacred. And getting pregnant is like becoming part of an intimate sororal group to which any woman can be invited.

Over the past few months, I've come to appreciate that secret sorority and its instant intimacy--warts and all. I appreciate the frankness and openness with which that group of women has greeted me. I've even told a few horror stories of my own to new moms. And, lets face it, I've started a blog about pregnancy with the same basic impulse to share.

#3. No One Really Talks about "Normal" Pregnancy

Google lists 10,000 hits for "There is no such thing as a normal pregnancy." But a cliché, no matter how common, doesn't change the fact that some pregnancies are more normal than others.

From the very first day I found out I was pregnant, I've been sure every single possible complication would happen to me. First I was sure I had a tubal pregnancy. Then I thought I was going to miscarry imminently. I've been prepared for months for my OB to put me on bed rest, but it just hasn't happened. And it probably isn't going to.

So many women are prepared to tell you their pregnancy horror stories that you won't often hear what I've discovered to be the truth--most pregnancies are safe, routine (to everyone except the new parents), and uncomplicated.

I wish I could have been convinced how unlikely it is for a twenty-five-year-old woman in good health with no known risk factors to have a difficult pregnancy. All the unnecessary worry really put in kink in my enjoyment of my early pregnancy. Pregnancy isn't pleasant, but every unpleasant side-effect doesn't mean something in harming my baby or endangering his or her life.

I'm only halfway through my pregnancy and, for all I know, I'll develop a bizarre complication tomorrow. But, for right now, I'm beginning to believe that no news is good news and, chances are, everything will be okay.

#2. No One Really Talks about "Normal Conception"

I've always known that motherhood would be an important part of my vocation.

And I've always known that, when the time came, I would have trouble getting pregnant.

Way to trust in God's will, right?

Adam and I decided to stop practicing NFP with the ( read "my") vague expectation that getting pregnant would be difficult. It seems so inconceivable that conception happens at all! Combine that with all the horror stories passed around between women about friends who can't conceive and commercials about IVF, it's no real wonder that I got the impression conception isn't something that can just happen.

When Adam and I conceived after less than a month of not trying not to conceive, I was blown away. It really radically altered the way I think about God and his plan for my life.

For the first time, I had to acknowledge that God doesn't call us to things we aren't equipped to do. Period. If God called me to be a teacher, he gave me the skills I need to teach. If He intended for me to be a wife, I'm equipped for that, too. And if God wants me to have a baby, he is going to make it possible for me to have a baby. I ought to have known that.

Conception isn't easy for everyone--and I would never downplay the real pain that couples who can't conceive experience. But conception can and does happen every day. Even though few women who didn't have any trouble conceiving talk about it, there's no reason to be surprised when biology works just the way it is designed to.

#1. Most of the What You "Know" About Pregnancy Is a Lie

Thanksgiving day. Two months pregnant. I was hysterically sobbing to my husband. "I was so stupid! I thought pregnancy would be beautiful. What was I thinking?!? I can't do this!"

I've always wanted to be pregnant. Not just to have a baby, but to actually have a baby growing inside of me. How touching! How beautiful! How short-sighted.

My husband frequently warned me before I got pregnant that my expectations were too high. Nothing as mammalian as pregnancy could possibly warrant my level of enthusiasm. But I didn't listen.

It turns out, as it often does, that Adam was right. I certainly don't regret getting pregnant, but I sometimes feel like I did so under false pretenses. Pregnancy isn't cute. Pregnancy isn't pretty. And it isn't easy.

Stay tuned for frequent updates as I learn more!