#12. You Will Convince Yourself You Will Kill Your Baby

Amazon.com lists about 5,000 books for the search "pregnancy and childbirth." In a field of competition that large, most of the books try to differentiate themselves with a crucial claim: this is the one and only book standing between your unborn child and death or permanent disability.

Or something like that.

Early on in my pregnancy, I went to the library and checked out a number of the most urgent looking books. I trolled the internet for pregnancy-related websites. And, as already mentioned, I listened to every horror story other people were willing to tell me.

After a few weeks, I was a nervous wreck. I was terrified that every time I carried in the groceries by myself, rolled onto my side during sleep, or bathed myself, my baby was going to die.

A minor pregnancy complication was just icing on the cake.

I remember after five o'clock one Friday afternoon finding a vague message from my OB in my voicemail, "Alison, we need you to call the office when you get the chance." How ominous. I'd been expecting some bloodwork results from the office. Clearly something was wrong. I was missing a critical piece of information that would save my baby's life!

I frantically called the answering service for the OB practice to find out what to do. I was so panicked, she paged the doctor. What had the message really been about? Congratulations! My pregnancy hormones were finally at the appropriate levels. I was so emotionally worn out that I lay on the bed and sobbed my heart out for a full thirty minutes.

After that experience, Adam sat down to have a talk with me. He said I was allowed to pick one book, and one book only, to read about pregnancy. If my OB and the book said I had nothing to worry about, I was just going to have to listen.

So far, our baby hasn't been harmed at all by opting out of optional information. In fact, he may be better off with the reduction in adrenaline pumping through my system. I guess I learned a valuable lesson about child-rearing... and life in general.

Sometimes, what you don't know really can't hurt you. The human race survived for thousands of years before What to Expect. And a century more without the internet.

I still don't want to take unnecessary risks with my baby's life--now or after he is born. But the cost of knowing everything (or trying pretty darn hard) is just too great--what with the worry, the stress, and the waste of time. And even if it were possible to recognize every single little thing that might harm our child, it wouldn't prevent bad things from ever happening to him. Far better to live happily and well, taking one day at the time.

#6. There's Often No Need to Keep Pregnancy a Secret

I know some couples choose to keep their pregnancies a secret for professional reasons, but I think many women don't talk about pregnancy in their first trimester because of their fear they will miscarry.

I was excited enough to get pregnant that I didn't want to jinx it by expressing my excitement to anyone. Miscarriage is a scary thing. But, the more I thought about it, the more I realized my fears about miscarriage were no reason to keep my pregnancy a secret. If Adam and I lost our baby, the last thing we would want to do would be to go through it alone.

Adam eventually sat me down and pointed out to me that I wasn't giving enough credit to our family and friends. He reminded me that no one would be angry at me or blame me if we lost our baby. I asked him how I would break it to seventy teenaged girls that something so sad had happened:

"Well, they'll be sad with you. You'll cry together and pray together and all come out of it closer and wiser."

He was right. I have an amazing community of family and friends who love and support me. Even if I hadn't told them about my pregnancy, there was no way I wasn't going to ask for their prayers if we lost the baby.